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I’m a young father/husband with a 1 year old son. Life was good until my mother-in-law stays with us for more than 6 months taking care of the kid/family/housework. She literally dominates all aspects of our lives, primary because both my wife and I are newbies to parenthood and housework, and she is also kind of a perfectionist.

I got scolded multiple times in a day for small little things (sometimes my wife also get scolded). It was out of love initially, because she cares the good habits of her son-in-law. But it becomes somewhat despise or hateful. I even have the feeling that she hates me/my family (except the kid)/my condo/everything.

30+ years in my whole life, I never felt as unconfident and unmotivated as of now. I tried to escape by going to the office to work, locking myself in the home office even doing nothing.

For small problems, it may be more bearable as I can comfort myself by telling myself that these are just small issues, I can adopt and try to make it work to her standard.

However, for big problems that cannot solve easily, such as my spine/neck issue and weight loss, I really cannot bear the frequent complaints. Though I’ve lost 12kg in weight(3kg more till the targeted weight), I don’t hear any encouragements or positive feedbacks.

Most of my life is filled with positive feedbacks and I keep the self-esteem throughout. Now, it’s been really damaging.

Meeting her expectations is already a super challenging job, I don’t have enough energies taking care of other things. Luckily my wife is not that demanding. However, she is like a mini version of my mother-in-law, with strong expectations, just that she is a bit more positive. I find myself becoming someone with “pleasing personality”, which is no good in the long run.

My mother-in-law used to be a very happy and content lady, but not sure what has changed.
Probably the following:

1. COVID is adding anxiety for her.
2. It’s really tiring taking care of baby and the young family.
3. We’ve stayed a bit too long together and there are weaknesses which she didn’t spot before staying with me/the family.
4. She has got menopausal syndrome.

Anyone encountered similar issues and any suggestions on how to solve the relationship problems?

Author: lovedoctor

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