Can someone advise me? or just let me rant
I am in an abusive relationship. It didn’t start out this way, over the years she became abusive. When she is “ok”, she is cheerful, funny and caring. When she is “not ok”, she flies into a rage easily and puts all the blame on me. What I mean by all the blame; she blames me for the past, the present and the future. The past – she can be quite unforgiving. The future – again, she can be unforgiving and angry that the past would be repeated. In case you are wondering, these are stuff like unable to pick her up from work as my team lead was chasing for a summary report at 6pm. Well, she also vents her frustration on me for stuff like her manager chided her, her colleagues being unhelpful, the customers were nasty. Last year, her anger issues really took a turn for the worse and her family, mostly her brother, persuaded her to see a therapist which she reluctantly agreed.
Fast forward to today, situation is only slightly better. I consulted her therapist to understand her condition better. It seems that only if my girlfriend is willing to change and embrace the therapy sessions, will the situation improve. Unfortunately, she isn’t and she claims the right to be angry and vent on me as I am her boyfriend – I am supposed to love everything about her. The therapist told me to consider the relationship – whether I could see myself living with this for the next 50 years. Well, maybe I could put up with the anger episodes, threats, guilt trips…
What shook me was:
Therapist mentioned she has a choice – a choice to do something with her actions. Like you would see news of wife-beater – they beat their wives but not the neighbors/strangers they see on their way home. They all chose to vent on their wives.
I am not sure what to feel about this.
I love her very much. We have been together for 12 years, proposed to her in 2019, will be moving in to our bto next year. I do not want to give us up, but there is nothing I can do if she does not see the problem with her beliefs and actions and be willing to change. Her “ok” moments allow me to survive in our relationship, with the hope that one day I can thrive in it.
Can anyone with similar experience share how you cope?