Closure with an ex-lover:
Dear Mr _ _ _ (a pet name I gave you), it’s been 1.5 years now since I made the decision to end our 3-yr-plus relationship. That was a time in our late twenties when I’d actually wanted to settle down. It was definitely an excruciating decision and a painful memory now, though I don’t regret it.
“Do good and be kind”, you said. I griped to you afterwards that that kindness wasn’t for us.
I remember the wonderful days we used to strive together in the same job, talk at length about our hopes and dreams into the night and cradle each other as we retold childhood memories with tears streaking down our faces. I remember watching Titanic with you on yr desktop and then having you sob uncontrollably in the middle of the night as you related to me the grief after your grandfather’s passing, a knowledge only we share. I remember having long conversations with you near my workplace, walking around the CBD area and just soaking in each others’ presence. When we’d just gotten together, you travelled with me on my first company trip and threw me a well-planned birthday shortly after. I remember preparing welfare items for you when you juggled uni and work. We loved the same food, had the same adventurous sprit and were both intellectually curious. We were very much in love and very much aligned. I really did love you and what came after broke me.
There was the gambling vice, acts of disrespect and numerous lies… all of which unveiled a very different character under pressure. As we progressed on in the relationship, you appeared more selfish, materialistic and less caring in general. Remember the time I broke down after I’d thought you’d died when you didn’t show up at work, when in fact you’d been arrested for being in an illegal gaming den? You smiled (almost) when I received you at the police station when my whole heart had imploded with disappointment and hurt. That wasn’t the first time you failed us but it was the worst and the subsequent many other lies exacerbated them. From the beginning, there were traces of questionable values but i didn’t let them stop me from agreeing to be your girlfriend. For instance, for the purpose of achieving sales targets at work, you got cheated by a supposedly wealthy Indo lady (who turned out to be a con artist) and paid for her expensive phone bills in the belief that she’d buy a huge-premium product from you. I spent much time hunting her down and getting her to return you the thousands you’d lost in installments. During argument periods in the relationship, you disrespectfully chatted up your ex crush to confide in her about our private struggles or check out other girls on social media because you said the relationship wasn’t fulfilling. As your career took off, you also became increasingly fixated on making money/appearing successful on social media and focused less on the relationship. I started blaming your job and also became afraid of losing you to your vices and became paranoid and clingy. It was through checking on you that I subsequently realized how many more times you’d lied about going for sales appointments when you were out gambling or drinking with friends. Back then, nobody knew the full story and were puzzled about my paranoia and frustrations. Unbeknownst to them, I only uncovered your lies after the 9th or 10th time that you’d lied precisely because I’d trusted you; the price of that was hurt.
I know today that what went ‘wrong’ (e.g. yr vices/materialism) wasn’t about yr job or surroundings per se, the onus was on you who chose those courses of actions. A healthy relationship shouldn’t require doses of checking because both parties are truthful and responsible.
Recognizably, I became a bitter, angry and unlikeable person in the relationship and I hated how it had messed my emotions. In the later stages of the relationship, I even subconsciously wanted to conceal my face whenever I went out with you because I was ashamed of who I’d become.
It’s been a long time coming to terms with our demise, but at least, I can respect the person I am today. I chose to stay true to my values and my happiness is no longer dictated by the one who stopped caring.
It is with regret that we will always be strangers from hereon out. I saw that you’d messaged me last year but I couldn’t see the attachment and neither did I wish to reconnect. To me, the hurt you’d brought to my life is unforgivable. To the man I used to love, in health or in sickness and amid the plenty of lemons that life may throw at us ahead, we’re on our own now. Time does reveal a person’s character, so I hope you’re no longer sucked into the life of posing for social media to sell your material success and instead strive to be a better person (inside) always. Farewell.