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There’s this girl I knew about 15 years ago. It was only during the first 3 months of JC. Even after going to another JC, we still kept close contact. She’s like the kind of perfect girl anyone can dream of. A very nice and funny girl. Comes from an above average family background. Looks pretty, cute and with a lovely smile.

Problem is, shit happens along the way. She went on to NUS and went on to be a teacher. For the both of us, we just drifted apart. The trigger was something that wasn’t even my fault. I even apologised for it because ultimately, I was the only person she send her photo(it was only a normal photo) but apparently, my dick “friend” went through my phone while I was playing football to download it off, and somehow, she found out. I didn’t even bother to ask her how she knew. Probably that dick guy was messaging her, gotten her number from my phone as well. (That dick guy was out of my life, and that was the day, I set password to my phone using her birthdate till now)

That was probably the start when she couldn’t trust me. I felt so guilty, I didn’t know what to do. I chose to accept the consequences. And walk away. Previously, I knew her ex-bf, schoolmate of us during that first 3 months and he was jealous of me being her classmate and close friend, I did told him that she will only be my good friend, nothing more. I totally regret that statement. Cos the relationship evolved and grew deeper after that first 3 months. And I just couldn’t dare to ask her out formally on dates. Cos I did told her exactly what I told her ex-bf.

From JC, and then she went to NUS, and then to NTU. Bumped into her in school back then, couldn’t talk much. Cos I still felt so guilty, when she ask me again about the photo. That was when I realised, the bus has left. I think she’s giving me a chance to tell the truth. But that was the truth!

10 years later, I still miss her. No other girl ever made me feel connected and special. She was the one who made me into a better person, write formally even in messages. Shared similar interest in music and anime. Funny thing is, I was never attracted to her sexually even though she look above average, I was more attracted to her personality and her thoughts.

15 years on, I did try to search on her, and saw her wedding(without her face of course, just the wedding card and her guests). The guy is a smart guy, just like her, who shares similar music interest like the 2 of us. Could have been us. But the mistake of the youth could never been undone.

I tried to forget about her. But 15 years later, fuck it. Just gonna keep good memories of her instead. I’m just glad she changed me for the better. The kind of person I am now, is largely thanks to her. And I don’t regret meeting her for those few years.

She’s married now, what’s the point of trying to contact her. With that, this is probably an anonymous letter to end it as just memories. Wishing her all the best in life! I miss you my best friend!

Author: lovedoctor

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